The Funfair Ride Yesterday

A Pennsylvania woman is set to marry a roller coaster, named the 1001 Nachts. She rides the machine 300 times a year and uses pictures of it to satisfy herself at home. And apparently this isn’t uncommon, and relates to mechaphilia which has been described as “the sexual attraction to inanimate objects”. Often that description is followed by “such as cars, machines and robots”. Interesting and how many of us can say we’ve never been attracted to robots eh?

Eh?

Hello?

I wonder if he would have done this if Lex was the boss at the time? You also have to wonder, if you are President of the United States, would you trust a guy who came and said “If I go mad and endanger the world…” or might you think he had already got there and not trust him? Perhaps you might want to test it out or use the hand Kryptonite bullet that you have in your top drawer. Either way, you would ensure that Lois stayed under the desk just in case.

Don’t worry DD, they’ll dig it up in a million years and use super CSI technology to figure out who did it. Of course they won’t be able to arrest the Woolly Mammoth gang because they’ll be long dead. Still, they can wrap up the case quite easily and then get blind drunk.

It occurs that Superman related covers appear here more often than not. I think thats got to be because they are the most interesting looking, don’t you think?

This one of course has him naked in a capsule of some sort, about to be blasted to his death. Of course, that happens pretty regularly so my focus is on why the hell his costume is such a big deal and moreover why there are so many balding 50 something men bidding on it? You know as well as I do, if this happened right now, there would be 40,000 slavering fanboys who would be pushing to the front of the queue to get their hands on the Big S’ kit. Still, thats the 70s for ya.

So many mysteries to be solved here. What is going on with that mailbox? Why the upskirt shot on the statue? What in Sam Hill is an Abscam? Is it the 80s equivalent of Nigerian emails?

Truly this was a Bizarre comic as it included the X-Men. How odd. Also, first time I’ve seen Iceman portrayed as see through.

Did the entire issue have the Titans as puppets wandering about knocking into things, moving in very deliberate and slow ways? Or did Kori just wish Dick could be more like Pinocchio?

Included here because I am extremely excited by the fact that DC are releasing a Showcase volume of the first 25 issues in October. Hot damn, I am excited and if anyone out there would like to buy me it in time for my birthday then please go ahead.

Gail Simone and Neil Googe gave us their vision of the Superhero in retirement with Welcome to Tranquility, but what of our more iconic heroes? How will Superman, Hulk, Wonder Woman and Captain America fare as they slip closer to decrepitude?

The answers came thick and fast today as I Googled for something a little different, and found some caricatures of aged heroes by Donald Soffritti. Of course being my organised self I lost the link, so when I googled again I found a blog piece about an exhibition in France (Vraoum a la Maison Rouge) which featured a photographic representation of superhero retirement.

Here are both in all their glory with links to artist (there’s a book as well called Decadence which I’m trying to find) and the exhibition. Enjoy, and while you’re at it, perhaps now’s the time to think of your own pension. You’ll need something special tucked away* so you never end up like these poor saps.

Vraoum a la Maison Rouge

Donald Soffritti’s Blog

*Perhaps a gun.

An occassional feature where our hero ruminates on what he might have bought if he stumbled into a comics shop some time in the past.

I’m not sure if I’m concerned that so many books this month 21 years ago seem so fetishised, or that I think they are. Probably won’t spend too much time analysing that.

Everyone knows that Galactus did something funky to tie the Silver Surfer to the Earth when he disobeyed him. What you don’t know is that they struck a deal and Norrin was once more given the freedom to cruise the stars but only if he picked up exotic alien women and let his master watch.

Loving the chainmail variation there, especially with the dinky anklet. However, would it have killed this obviously world conquering “mistress” to wear some heels with it?

Yes he’s in some sort of phantom state (I can’t quite remember how Strange’s powers work, other than they are not normal – hence Strange) but does his floatiness require that sort of hand posing or has he been caught short mid epic battle and found that someone has fogotten to stock up on paper towels? Enquiring minds need to know.

Described by some as the wonderbra for men, and by others as man SPANX, Ript is basically a tight t-shirt which is designed to hold in the bad stuff and promote the good – but fake – stuff.

Can anyone say “Eat Less and Exercise”?

In saying that, I know what I want for Christmas. However, I want it blue with a big red S on the front.

http://www.riptfusion.com/

I’ve included Simple in the title because it is. After the more complex Baked Cheesecake last week, this recipe is far more simple. You can use beef rather than turkey if you want, reducing the cooking time if required, but turkey rocks and its lean meat.

Ingredients

• 1lb of ground turkey
• 1/3 cup Italian dressing
• 1/4 cup ketchup or barbecue sauce
• 1 egg
• 1/2 cup bread crumbs – plain
• 1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce

Method

1. Preheat the oven to 350F/180c.
2. Grease a loaf pan.
3. In a bowl combine all ingredients, using your hands to blend it all nicely.
4. Press into loaf pan and pat down to even it out.
5. Bake for about 1hr until the top is nicely browned.
6. Use a skewer to test that its cooked all the way through.

Serve with mashed potatoes – of course.

So the 8,750 people who signed up for tickets for Michael Jackson’s funeral will know who they are now. Hopefully they’ve lined up their significant other, are packed and ready for their flight, train ride, bus journey or cross country drive. Of course now they’re on ebay and someone is bound to make a packet out of this, perhaps not least hot dog and ice cream vendors who will be descending on the route to the Staples Centre on Tuesday, or the hawkers selling Jackson memorablia – “My obsessed friends went to the Michael Jackson funeral and all they brought me back was this lousy t-shirt and swine flu”.

Life is a lottery huh? Or in this case death is a lottery.

Which makes me think about fate, and then I slap myself about the head a bit because the next step is astrology, tarot and chicken bones.

My initial musing on this was how horrific it was to use something as traditionally closed as a funeral for publicity or potentially to generate cash (because lets face it, a lot of people are making money out of this), but I sort of look like it as a form of controlled pilgrimage; not that limiting the numbers is going to stop millions from attending.

We’ve always had choices in our lives, but when did the element of chance become so prevalent? Competitions aren’t even competitions any more – “No purchase necessary” – but they’re everywhere. Consumables, periodicals, websites all dangling the promise of free things by clicking on links or calling/texting numbers. Which is all fine, but where are the difficult questions that are set to test you, rather than the crapfest which is the multiple choice question:

Q: Which famous musician died last week?

A) Michael Jackson
B) Jichael Mackson

Of course making these harder would inevitably lead to less people taking part, which may end up meaning less publicity or less profit from those premium numbers (we won’t get into the TV voting cash cows in this episode folks). All adds to the sense of dumbing down really and the continual proliferation of something for nothing. Are people’s dreams being stoked or their lives being subdued? Giving someone the chance to see off their idol is one thing, dangling the hope of alleged wealth and a life of leisure is another.

In the meantime, hopefully sense will prevail and Tuesday’s event goes off without incident or injury.

I wouldn’t bet on it though.

As you may know, this week sees the beginning of Captain America: Reborn which purports to be the re-introduction of Steve Rogers as Captain America. However, it would appear that one person didn’t know about this until a few days ago and isn’t that thrilled.

Dear Joe,

Hope you are well. Its been a while hasn’t it?

Just a quick note to discuss my impending resurrection, or rather the cancelling thereof. I’m not best pleased with whats been going on in the past few weeks and I have to ask that you stop this train because I don’t want to come back.

Its not that I’m ungrateful for what you or the Marvel team have done for me over the years. Together we enjoyed some whizzo adventures spanning the decades, and while I still can’t walk past an ice cream parlour without feeling sick to my stomach, there were some great times. Avengers/Defenders War; Contest of Champions; Korvac; Secret  Wars.

The Nomad thing? Not so much.

I’m just having such a nice time out here in the Cayman Islands. Smuggling me out the back door was the best thing that could have happened to me, and I can sit on the endless beaches sipping virgin marys ’til the cows come home. The talent here is something else as well, and  the hardest thing I have to deal with each day is which shirt to wear or what spa treatment to take.

In any case, Bucky is doing a first class job. He’s like a breath of fresh air and looks pretty good in his shiny costume which, to be honest, almost made me want to come back as those threads are stylin’. But I digress. I don’t need to have my name and image (dying on those steps  – really, Joe? Really?) plastered all over the Times or the Poughkeepsie Examiner.  So, I’m out.

Best to you and the gang. Don’t call any more.

Regards,

Steve Rogers

FKA Captain America

PS Next time you talk to Millar, tell him I can spell.

Bit of a change this week, because as I was researching July 1998 I found that, other than having a vast number of unappetising books, it also had a notable death and a cover which has Death literally written large.

Of course when I say notable death, its taken with the proverbial pinch of comic book salt.

However, in the case of Incredible Hulk #466 it does look as though Betty Ross Banner died. She’s been resurrected once but apparently the resurrection was a hallucination or whatever induced by Nightmare. Naughty Nightmare.

Anyway, other than Ultimate Betty no others exist. The first Betty Ross Banner died here and has never come back to my knowledge. Hmm. Maybe she’s Rulk?

This next one is a bit of a cheat. Death, emblazoned across the cover with Prysm (yes, I had to look that up) lying inside those fear inducing words with what was probably Deathstroke’s sword in her gut.

Did she die in this issue?

Did she buggery.

However, the Veil (3,500 of them) were destroyed completely this issue.

Which is a plus I suppose.